April Showers

Crying really helps get everything out sometimes. I know it drives my husband crazy for me to cry but it really does just give ya that release of emotions to be able to get it out and move on. Another month of not being pregnant just brought me to a few days of just wanting to cry and feeling hopeless. Then once I got it out, I felt ready to continue on and just keep loving life with my amazing husband and waiting for the Lord to bless us with a child.

As we come to the end of Infertility Awareness Week, I wanted to make sure I got a blog in this week to let anyone know, who does read the ramblings of this old mountain girl from North Carolina, there is hope. One day we will have a child whether we grow that child in my womb or in love in our hearts through adoption- there is hope. Friends continue to tell me stories they know of people who tried for many years and then finally had children many years after trying, some after getting on an adoption list and even some that adopted a child then found out shortly after that they were pregnant. It helps to be reminded that you're not alone in your struggle after you get over the aggravation of someone telling you it will be okay and it will happen when its meant to be. (I know people really do mean well but for anyone going through this, you also understand what I mean I say sometimes you just want to slap them because they have kids and don't have a clue what you feel like.)

Two examples that have come out in the past week of high profile people I found that also struggled with getting pregnant we really nice to hear about. The first one was the Second Lady Karen Pence. Second Lady Karen Pence Opens Up About Her Struggles With Infertility- The Federalist

Great article done with Second Lady Pence telling her struggles and opening up about how it made her feel was inspiring to me. Andrew and I got married when we were a few years younger than Mrs. Pence and have been trying to have a family so it was very nice to read a story that I could relate to. The second story came from Dancing With the Stars participant Nancy Kerrigan. While I have not ever had to deal with the pain of losing a child, her talking about the struggles she went through really helped to validate the emotions that I feel every month. Nancy Kerrigan Reveals She Had 6 Miscarriages in 8 Years- Self

Also, had our first family get together with out my sweet Aunt Elaine. My word it was difficult! I miss her so dearly and know she is looking down on us loving that we are still doing the traditions of getting together and celebrating as a family. Still catch myself saying "we're going to Zale and Elaine's house". It's hard to think of her not being there for my babies one day like she was for my cousins' children. I loved the relationship she had with the children and the way she loved on them and the Godly example she was to all of us. 

Through all the craziness of the past few months and even in the last month, I have been reminded to always count my blessings. Don't focus on what I feel like is lacking in my life and be thankful for the things I do have. Remember that every day is a blessing from God that I should vow to to not take for granted and make the best of in every way possible. Try not to miss the little things that are often over looked. Be grateful for what you see as everyday blessing because others may not have even that. I am blessed to live this life I have and will live rejoicing everyday. Try to focus on being a blessing to others and the Lord will bless you in abundance. I may have been burdened with working through fertility issues but I will not let it rob me of how God wants to bless me through this journey. Do I hurt? Yes. Have things happened like I desperately have prayed for them too? No. I question, doubt and try to make sense of it all but there are times that I simply do not understand- This is my truth, However, all these struggles are another way that God is making His way to me and bring His truth to me. It points me to by bible to read God's promises to remind me what God has intended for my life. Two songs that touched me this month the first Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing- The Collingsworth Family  and the second Blue Skies Coming- The Perrys. These helped me get through some tough days this month and hopefully if someone reading this has a rough day it will help them too. Through all the crying, I try to remember there are blessing that I have and even more coming. The rainbows I see every time it rains reminds me that He is faithful to every promise he makes. I don't see it now, but they will be there. The flowers will bloom and the sun will shine in his perfect timing.