Learning To Wait
Wow! It's been a while and I am sorry just been a little busy. Update on weight situation is I am down 40 pounds! 🙌🏻🙌🏻 I have stopped taking the phentermine and have been maintaining my weight. I would love to lose the last 20 pounds but there are bigger things to look at now. So no more waiting and just walking the path. We're going to start doing things to help the process along and get pregnant as soon as possible no matter how much money it takes. I will go get a loan for $14,000 to have IVF if I have to!
Went to a consultation today to make sure this happens and the Dr does an ultrasound and he is very happy with what he sees. My ovaries went from looking like a a chunky chocolate chip cookie from all the cyst to only have a couple of cyst on my left ovary. 😃 He is also bragging about my weight loss and he goes through what he thinks we should do. 4-5 months of taking the fertility pills on days 5-9 of my cycle then ultra sound on day 14 to see if it worked and there is an egg in there then send me home to do the thing and hopefully make a baby. This has a 5% chance of helping. Next we will move to IUI. Coming in on day 14 for an ultrasound and if they like what they see, give me shot then I come back in 24 hours for the procedure. This has a 20% chance of helping. I want to go straight to IUI and I tell the doctor this (while crying explaining why the change in my feelings on timing) and he is fine with it and puts it up to me and Andrew. We talk cost. Of course with the pills it's the cost of the pills and then the ultrasound. With IUI $400-$500 every time. This is better than the $14,000 for IVF. More bang for your buck with IUI but 40-50% rate of working with IVF. So, we leave with the plan of waiting to see if I'm pregnant this cycle, if not I am to call on the first day of my next cycle to tell them pill or shot.
In the middle of all this talking above, he also gets Andrew what he needs (instructions and a cup) to make sure all his men are swimming up stream. He will be going to do that in the next few weeks. If his test comes back normal then we will focus on me. If he's having issues then we will address that and that may be all we have to do fix these problems. (Andrew was embarrassed as heck to walk out with that cup 😂)
Andrew and I talk about on the way home and we can't decide really cause they're both good options. We both have been through so much hurt with the years of trying and just wanting two pink lines on the stupid test. Too many nights of him holding me while I cry myself to sleep. We decide that we will do the pills if I'm not pregnant already to give time for him to get tested and see if he needs to do anything.
Oh and fun times ahead- I will get to have a HSG done before we do IUI to make sure there are no blockages in my Fallopian tubes. (HSG explained) Upside to this test-sometimes it cleans everything out causing boost in pregnancy chances. Downside- it's painful! Oh and did I mention that none of anything above is covered by insurance? Yep Andrew and I will be paying for this completely out of pocket! The Lord always provides and we have faith in his promises but dang it, it doesn't mean it isn't hard sometimes.
So that brings me to my lesson in the last two days that I got. LEARNING TO WAIT. Romans 8:18-25. (For I reckon that the suffering of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creature Waite the for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope. Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together. And not only they, but ourselves also, which the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man Seth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we should we not, then do we patience wait for it.) Trying to step back and see that waiting is not a negative thing IS HARD. Waiting is an integral part of Christian life. The goal is that instead of frustration and disappointment, we find hope and expectation in our waiting. The glory and victory we will experience in the future makes the suffering seem so insignificant. So I ask for continued prayers for patience and for the Lord to help Andrew and I while we wait on our children. Stand Still The Isaacs is the song that got me to thinking about all this.
Went to a consultation today to make sure this happens and the Dr does an ultrasound and he is very happy with what he sees. My ovaries went from looking like a a chunky chocolate chip cookie from all the cyst to only have a couple of cyst on my left ovary. 😃 He is also bragging about my weight loss and he goes through what he thinks we should do. 4-5 months of taking the fertility pills on days 5-9 of my cycle then ultra sound on day 14 to see if it worked and there is an egg in there then send me home to do the thing and hopefully make a baby. This has a 5% chance of helping. Next we will move to IUI. Coming in on day 14 for an ultrasound and if they like what they see, give me shot then I come back in 24 hours for the procedure. This has a 20% chance of helping. I want to go straight to IUI and I tell the doctor this (while crying explaining why the change in my feelings on timing) and he is fine with it and puts it up to me and Andrew. We talk cost. Of course with the pills it's the cost of the pills and then the ultrasound. With IUI $400-$500 every time. This is better than the $14,000 for IVF. More bang for your buck with IUI but 40-50% rate of working with IVF. So, we leave with the plan of waiting to see if I'm pregnant this cycle, if not I am to call on the first day of my next cycle to tell them pill or shot.
In the middle of all this talking above, he also gets Andrew what he needs (instructions and a cup) to make sure all his men are swimming up stream. He will be going to do that in the next few weeks. If his test comes back normal then we will focus on me. If he's having issues then we will address that and that may be all we have to do fix these problems. (Andrew was embarrassed as heck to walk out with that cup 😂)
Andrew and I talk about on the way home and we can't decide really cause they're both good options. We both have been through so much hurt with the years of trying and just wanting two pink lines on the stupid test. Too many nights of him holding me while I cry myself to sleep. We decide that we will do the pills if I'm not pregnant already to give time for him to get tested and see if he needs to do anything.
Oh and fun times ahead- I will get to have a HSG done before we do IUI to make sure there are no blockages in my Fallopian tubes. (HSG explained) Upside to this test-sometimes it cleans everything out causing boost in pregnancy chances. Downside- it's painful! Oh and did I mention that none of anything above is covered by insurance? Yep Andrew and I will be paying for this completely out of pocket! The Lord always provides and we have faith in his promises but dang it, it doesn't mean it isn't hard sometimes.
So that brings me to my lesson in the last two days that I got. LEARNING TO WAIT. Romans 8:18-25. (For I reckon that the suffering of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creature Waite the for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope. Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together. And not only they, but ourselves also, which the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man Seth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we should we not, then do we patience wait for it.) Trying to step back and see that waiting is not a negative thing IS HARD. Waiting is an integral part of Christian life. The goal is that instead of frustration and disappointment, we find hope and expectation in our waiting. The glory and victory we will experience in the future makes the suffering seem so insignificant. So I ask for continued prayers for patience and for the Lord to help Andrew and I while we wait on our children. Stand Still The Isaacs is the song that got me to thinking about all this.
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