Let the Counting Begin

At our April appointment, as I said last time, we began the weight loss journey to a healthy me and hopefully that would lead to a healthy pregnancy. So for a month I counted calories and fat. Between 1100 and 1300 calories a day and no more than 20 gm of fat a day (the fat part is WAY harder). Keeping my food diary after every meal and calculating what to eat, looking up everything before I would buy it/order it. Soon found out that the fat was what I needed for focus on! I would be at 19 gm of fat and only 800 calories. WELL POO! Gotta find something fat free to eat for diner-which is nearly impossible to do and find something that would fill you up! 

So I go in for my May weight check with the doctor. Scales say 10 pounds down! YEPPIE! On top of that, my body had done something it hadn't done in about 10 years. I had a normal cycle without the help of any medications. That was a crazy feeling! To know that with just 10 pounds, my body had started to remember- OH YEAH I am supposed to do that. May not seem like a big deal to some but to me, it was huge because it gave me hope that our plan was working and the evidence, well- it was in the evidence of the first tampon box I had sent my husband to buy in three months.

So back to the appointment- The doctor review my diaries and we talk about me eating more fruits and veggies as they have little to no fat and they are good for you any way. We talk about fat free foods to eat during the day so that you can eat the meal that you need/want to at the end of the day. SO new goal of a minimum of 900 calories a day, even if that means going over the fat by 1 or 2. OK - I can do this. 

People at work had been telling me that they could tell a big difference. I hadn't posted about my weight loss on line because I wanted to loss at least 15 pounds before I said anything on the social media for everyone to comment and judge about. So about a week after my first appointment, I got there! And I posted it to Facebook and our friends were awesome! Now, in my mind, I had to lose another 10 pounds to get to my next weight loss goal. Looking in the mirror, I couldn't see the difference that others were seeing. I knew the scales were saying it and my body was happy but, I still saw all the imperfections and problems that I had always seen. 

Then I read a blog that I have been hooked on for a while. Anyone else just absolutely love the Joey and Rory Feek story? I just fell in love with them on Can You Duet. Their story, their testimony, their fearlessness to share their faith is just an amazing story. Joey won her battle with cancer a few months back and is now dancing and singing on streets of gold but Rory continues to share his journey and story of things that are going on with him and their precious daughter Indy. (Seriously- go check out This Life I Live- Rory Feek- You will need a box of Kleenex!) 

I was having one of my, days that I couldn't tell a difference in how I looked (mainly because I had only lost one pants size), wasn't happy and was taking it out of everyone else. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and came across a new post on the blog I hadn't read yet. So I read it, and of course balled like a little baby. But, I also prayed. Lord, teach me to offer you a heart of thanksgiving and praise in all my daily experiences of life. Teach me to be joyful always, to pray continually and to give thanks in all my circumstances. I accept them as Your will for my life (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). I long to bring pleasure to Your heart daily. Break the power of the enemy in my life. Defeat Him through my sacrifice of praise. Change my outlook and attitude into one of joyful contentment with my present circumstances.

The great thing about our Lord is he knows just want you need and gives it to exactly when you need it. In the blog post he titled "Leave It There", he said three things that hit me like a ton of bricks. 1) he quoted the hymn Leave It There "Jesus knows the pain you feel.  He can save and He can heal.  Take your burden to the Lord, and leave it there." 2) "When hard times come and you don’t know what to do with your pain… just lay it down at the foot of the cross, and leave it there."  and 3) ...and most days, I do pretty well.  But some.  The harder ones.   I find myself reaching down and picking up that hurt .... and trying to carry it on my shoulders.  But I can’t.  I have something else on my shoulders now. Someone else…And our little two-year old desperately needs her Papa here.  Not there.  In the present.  Not the past.  So again, I lay my burden down and let Him have it.  And I trust that His plan is better than mine.  And I know it is.  Because I can see it unfolding right in front of me." He was talking about the pain of losing his wonderful wife and I know what I am going through cannot compare with half the pain that man is feeling but it still reminded me- don't worry, it's not your burden to bare; leave it at the cross and let the Lord take care of it. You're not the only one in this- you got your husband too and he needs you to not dwell on the things that don't seem right, you have to trust in the Lord's plan because it is perfect in every way. I will get pregnant when the good Lord says that it is right for my husband and I and not a minute before. I don't need to worry about it; I don't need to make it a burden to me or my husband- lay it at the feet of Jesus, "If you trust him and never doubt, He will surely bring you out. Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there."

So staying focused and hopefully by the next appointment I would be able to post I had reached my next goal. So the wait for June 16th began.